I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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