so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
