My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
