this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
