is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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