Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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