Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
