insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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