It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
