I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I believe in your delicious
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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