what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
