no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
