If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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