if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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