I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
