I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
