just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize