I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
