She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
did you just send me my own nude
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
