I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
