Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
