I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
