she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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