Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
