Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
