____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We need to get me chipped asap
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
