There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
is it fun? or sober?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
