Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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