Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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