I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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