The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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