i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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