the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
