girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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