apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
