Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
