It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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