So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
