How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This house was built for laser tag.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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