If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
