is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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