i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
