They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
