HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
