I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
this will be a night to untag.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize