even my farts smell like vagina
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
