So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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