Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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