She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
