I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize