I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
we should paint friendship bongs
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
