Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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