About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
