Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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