one might say we're banned from that church
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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