i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
