just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
