I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
