just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
