it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
