Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize