ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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