Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
