I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
