i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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