I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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