Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
