Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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