they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
