The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize