STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
