Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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