You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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