I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
