farters have to be the big spoon...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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