You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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