I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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