I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize