oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
