just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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