I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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