So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
