My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize