i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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