i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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