the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
