my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
