I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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