If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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