I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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