She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
