did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
