he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
