Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize