and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
