Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Be still, my beating vagina.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
