Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
