I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
