why didn't you poke me back
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
