Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
